The Official How To Holla At Dani Thread

[thelastgreatman]

Thoughts, suggestions, Bueller?

I'm starting a lobbying force to get some quality time with Dani which you should all support if for no other reason than it's clearly doomed and will probably be very funny. To start, a list of reasons why I'm do-able:

1. Young, fit, passably good-looking

2. Smarter than a two-dollar whore. Wait, that's the wrong reference. Where's Dennis Miller when you need a witty qualification? Oh that's right, they stopped being witty around '92. Well, I'm pretty smart in any event.

3. Drugs? I put the question mark there because it's hard to say if that's a selling point. Of course, if it isn't, then this thread is already doomed I should think.

4. I'll be rich and famous by the next decade almost for sure, and you'll get to point at movie posters and go, "Yeah, I did that asshole once."

5. Um... I curse. A lot. But it kinda works, like Kevin Smith.

6. Technically since I'm the last great man, you'd be balling an endangered species, and really how often do you get the chance to do that?

Anyone want to add to the list, especially if the addition is a sarcastic tearing of a new asshole for me?

[PotVsKtl]

I always assumed you were gay from your avatar. Anyway, Danielle is gay.

[bballarl]

Yeah, she's so gay.

[york707]

Gayer than gay, I hear.

[I'm Rosetta Stoned]

Who in fucks sake is Dani?

[Hannahrain]

I always assumed you were gay from your avatar.

That's strange, I always assumed he was gay from all the sex he has with other men.

[PotVsKtl]

http://www.robertoparada.com/img/gallery3/moby_gary_500.jpg

[gaypalmsprings]

r u talkin' about the countrygurl?

[psychic friend]

<---------------------------

[I'm Rosetta Stoned]

Ohhhh.... Trying to get with PF. I would say drugs or an overwellming amount of useless music knowledge. Maybe backstage passes to Daft Punk and really good LSD....

[superfiction]

Maybe backstage passes to Daft Punk

somehow i think she can get those. and besides its not THAT hard. you just gotta know how to do it :)

[miscorrections]

PF, share your sexy. i'm getting restive here.

[fober]

passably good-looking

wtf

[el pescado]

lol....passably down the road....just keep passin

[fasttrack]

everybody's horny

[el pescado]

P.S....PF is my future wife so ya'll back off.Her,me and our robot buddies,oh yeah and sonic youth the night before daft.I just dont think she knows this yet,I will be chasing every cart on the Coachella campgrounds.

[suprefan]

First off, DO YOU KNOW WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE. Thats the mystery here ya know. And yeah Dani is gay.

[thelastgreatman]

Ahh, that was exactly the response I wanted out of this. A barrage of insults... and best of all:

It's WAY funnier if she's gay.

Also, I can have a vagina grown out of my back in like a week, Dani, so how 'bout it?

[DeltaSigChi4]

AvqpUuoy8Gg

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[full on idle]

Dude please chill the fuck out. last greatlskdfjlas

[thelastgreatman]

Who isn't chill? Why is it so hard to be preposterous in here sometimes?

[invisiblerobots]

http://www.acposter.com/posters/FineArts/Hopeless.jpg

[TomAz]

Who isn't chill? Why is it so hard to be preposterous in here sometimes?

All you do is drool. It's disgusting man.

[gaypalmsprings]

Hey dude from the Wasteland...

http://www.ece.uic.edu/~jlukose/unni/babyfinger.jpg

[jerpar24]

First off, DO YOU KNOW WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE. Thats the mystery here ya know.

You know what it is a mystery.

[tessalasset]

Definitely bring her drugs.

[tiffdud41]

I've always had this really cool mental image of her. I bet I could pick her out--just using intuition.

[thelastgreatman]

All you do is drool. It's disgusting man.

Hey listen, if I'm drooling it's only because this man cut my face: http://i64.photobucket.com/albums/h165/thelastgreatman/Esteban.jpg

I was just trying to get what I thought would be a funny ball rolling, mates. Turned out it was more of a Hindenbergian blimp.

Seriously though, what isn't funny about a noob with a reputation primarily for being an asshole, addict, and drug dealer trying to roll up to the mod who's heard it all and seen it all and just have the conversation go like this:

(Just my side of the conversation, Dani's words omitted to protect her true feelings)

"'Sup, Dani, what's the story tonight, gorgeous? Ooo, damn girl, say, have you been rolling around in some doggie doo-doo or something, 'cause you look like THE SHIT! No no, I know it sounds like a line some comedian must have written but I just pulled it off the top of my head, that's kinda how I roll. You know, that's a cute little laugh you got there, really brings out those dot-eyes I've been noticing in your avatar. Sooo... you got any hobbies that don't require any money whatsoever, 'cause if so I'd like to treat you to some of whatever they are sometime. Well of course you'd "enjoy that," Dani, after all we're talking about a date with me--it was a rhetorical question. What do you mean it was neither rhetorical nor a date? Well sorry, but if I'm paying--and remember I can't afford anything whatsoever, that's why I specified FREE activities--then it's a date to me. And as far as it being rhetorical goes, well, to quote the great William Shakespeare... um... "Some questions are more rhetorical than not... especially when the titties are totally hot." I think The Tempest, might have been paraphrasing a little.

So how about I just pick you up, preferably as soon as possible 'cause I'm kinda horny, like, right now. I'd prefer to drive since I have a 2000 Sentra, so, you know, I like to show it off a little. Yeah it's a custom job--I got that color of green that they stopped making after the 90s 'cause it looks like the ocean when it's really gross, and there's all kinds of custom-designed scrapes and dents and shit, cost me like 4, I mean 8... after taxes and shit it was 30 grand to get it all scuffed up and reeking of cigarettes. Oh, West Coast Customs, I wouldn't trust anyone with my materialism unless they have a show on MTV, of course.

It's supposed to be conceptual, like Pimp My Ride but ironic and shit. Oh yeah, yeah, I'm totally ironic. I mean anything about me that looks on the outside like it might suck even a little bit, that's definitely just something I made ironic. What do you mean, 'How could a face be ironic?' They couldn't, silly girl. Unless it was a face made of asses or something like that, I suppose that might qualify. Sorry, did you just say then I'm overqualified? Overqualified for what? Hey, it's okay that your jokes don't work, irony takes a lot of practice and dedication to truly live it. Like I could be 6 feet tall if I wanted to, but that shit's so played out, so I went with short instead. They can't fucking tell me what height I should be. I agree with you on that, I am a loner, Dottie--a rebel--you're absolutely right, very perceptive.

So tell me about you a little--where'd you grow up, what was your family like, what are your goals, dreams... right, right... yeah, that must have been rough... hey, not to interrupt but just answer one quick question: how long does it usually take for a guy to refuse to leave you alone before you'll give him a hando in his Sentra just so he'll stop talking to you? Why don't you want to answer that? 'Cause it's kinda important. Not even a rough ballpark? How about we play that game where you tell me whether I'm getting hotter or colder to a handjob?"

Yeah that's right, I just typed a ridiculously long post involving a confusing premise that might not even be funny at all 'cause I've been railing pills all night. That's Sparta for you, sometimes.

[tessalasset]

Dude you talk too much.

[suprefan]

That's Sparta for you, sometimes.



Dude, shut up.

[thelastgreatman]

Le sigh... alright, well how about changing to the "Holla At Dani To Delete This Thread Tread?"

[kroqken]

I would just be myself in all of my charming and slightly erudite charisma.

[jackstraw94086]

dani and I have already set a date for our wedding.

[kroqken]

Wow, weddings are fun. I heard there are "wedding sluts" who hook up with single guys at weddings. True?

[psychic friend]

fyi this thread is too wordy for me to read and you dont want to get with me so carry on for humor if you must.

lol

[thelastgreatman]

fyi this thread is too wordy for me to read and you dont want to get with me so carry on for humor if you must.

lol

I've had an awful lot of people mention that they hate reading my posts because there's a lot of words. What tbe balls, people? It's just a paragraph or two. All you'd be doing with the extra twenty seconds is reading some other bullshit on a message board. Don't be afraid. Come on in... it's safe and verbose.

And don't tell me that I don't want to get with you after I brought all manner of slanders upon myself by starting this thread. I'm saying fuck it, if I find you at Coachella I'm getting my own golf cart and following you Death Proof style just to kick game at you. Don't matter if you're missing an eye, a leg, heterosexuality, a face--I'm prove my point all over that ass.

[gaypalmsprings]

I've had an awful lot of people mention that they hate reading my posts because there's a lot of words. What tbe balls, people? It's just a paragraph or two. All you'd be doing with the extra twenty seconds is reading some other bullshit on a message board. Don't be afraid. Come on in... it's safe and verbose.

And don't tell me that I don't want to get with you after I brought all manner of slanders upon myself by starting this thread. I'm saying fuck it, if I find you at Coachella I'm getting my own golf cart and following you Death Proof style just to kick game at you. Don't matter if you're missing an eye, a leg, heterosexuality, a face--I'm prove my point all over that ass.

could you paraphrase this?

[psychic friend]

if I find you at Coachella I'm getting my own golf cart

good luck with that

[thelastgreatman]

Yo... there isn't any "NO golfcarts" rule, is there?

If I show up in a golfcart... will you do me in it?

[Good Days Last]

Haha. Crazee Keeds!!

[mountmccabe]

I agree with you on that, I am a loner, Dottie--a rebel--you're absolutely right, very perceptive.

More Get-Up Kids quotes. Dani likes that sort of thing.

[thelastgreatman]

More Get-Up Kids quotes. Dani likes that sort of thing.

I was quoting Pee-Wee's Big Adventure, thank you, not the fucking Get-Up Kids.

[tessalasset]

i was gonna say.....

john where were you on that one, buddy?

[Ill_Eagle]

Umm... excuse me lastgreatman...get in line:

http://coachella.com/forum/showthread.php?t=5611

[SheriNOIR]

This should be a competitions.
Like wheres wally.. but wheres dani !

Winner gets a golfcart tour haha.

[mob roulette]

reunite lush. she'll be like putty in your hands. well, probably not yours, but somebody's.

[psychic friend]

i dont get it

[mob roulette]

LUSH. the band. weren't you the hot one? i seem to recall this from somewhere...

[psychic friend]

lush was a good band

[gaypalmsprings]

danilushious

[caco0283]

You drive a 2000 Sentra...thats pretty gay and that's coming from a guy that woke up with a guy this morning

[SFChrissy]

If I show up in a golfcart... will you do me in it?


Fuck yeah!!!

[BeeII]

I'm guessing you'd probably have to be a cat person

just saying

[elChurro]

http://www.wtbw.net/geisha/p1/0717/cat.jpg

the way to dani's heart is through a cat's butt... get her these fridge magnets and she is yours.